Genshin Impact (PS4), In My Own Words

5,588 words.

Ha! Here’s one more post about Genshin Impact. I copied the (100% unedited) transcript from my video down below. I had hoped I could do that in the last post, but it apparently takes a day for YouTube to think about the video and make the automatic transcript.

The transcript also includes the NPC dialog, which is kind of a bummer. I still wish I had a tool that I could run my microphone track through to automatically create a transcript like this. I could technically upload just the microphone track to YouTube, then copy its transcription, but that would be a pain.

Enjoy the lack of punctuation and paragraphs!

(I personally find this to be hilarious fun to read, but I realize my sense of humor doesn’t always resonate with other humans. Oh, I bet it would be even funnier to get a computer robot voice to read this out loud! Anyway, YouTube is actually pretty freakin’ good at transcribing me.)


welcome to gentian impact
hello traveler in order to optimize your
gaming experience we will now securely
link your account
or playstation network blah blah blah
i agree because i have no choice
this is the hot new game
everyone is talking about
i am trying it out on the ps4
because quite frankly i didn’t want to
install the anti-cheat
software on pc and i’m pretty sure i’m
not going to like this game
long term so i just want to look at it
long enough to record a video
and then i will probably uninstall it
i’m not hearing any sound
why aren’t i hearing any sound
privacy policy your rights etc etc
what’s the announcement
blah blah blah i’ve probably just
okay whatever whatever whatever
let’s start the game maybe we’ll start
some sound
oh i just realized why i’m not hearing
sound huh
because i have plugged a headset in so
what you’re trying to say is that you
fell here
from another world
but when you wanted to leave and go on
to the next world
your path was blocked by some unknown
outlanders your journey ends here
who are you the sustainer of heavenly
the irrigation of mankind is now
yeah okay select a twin
uh we can either select
the girl or the boy
i mean i feel like it would be less
weird to select the boy
so that’s what i’m gonna do
enter my name my name
griff done
i don’t understand anything that’s
happening right now by the way
it’s supposed to be super dramatic
though whatever is going on
wait don’t go give my sister back
and just like that god took away my
some kind of seal was cast upon me and i
lost my power
so while we used to travel from world to
we are now trapped here
well that’s very convenient that you
lost your powers
that means we can start again at level
very convenient okay is my user id gonna
in this video down in the corner the
whole time
how many years ago was it i don’t know
but i intend to find out when i woke i
was all alone
until i met you two months ago
yeah really owes you for that otherwise
time unlikely would have drowned so
finally we’ll do our best to be a great
we should head off let’s get going
okay i am adventure rank one
press l three to navigate l3 stick
button which is the left analog stick
button okay
it’s a cartoon
i mean i guess i file follow pymon
press three to investigate it keeps
saying press
l three l three is the left analog stick
button right i keep pressing it but
nothing happens
keeps telling me to press it i press it
but nothing happens
okay oh the o button is an attack
wow i did not do much damage
it’s fine though because it doesn’t do
any damage to me so i’m invulnerable
apparently at level one
nice good to know
square button to interact interesting
open the world map select and unlock
teleport waypoint to teleport to that
why would i want to do that l1
is the shortcut wheel and then select
the map
okay i’m pressing it but nothing seems
to be happening
oh i have to hold l1 for the to bring up
the wheel
and then pull the right analog stick
to make a selection okay
so it looks like a map but it’s all
why did they show us this map
why is the purpose of telling us about a
map when it’s completely empty
i don’t know
hey where’d my guide go i see her on the
on the mini map but i don’t see her in
the world there she is way over there
okay whoa what was that something about
a harvest lizard
wow the up and down movement is
way slower than the x-axis
movement interesting
in fact let me see if i can go find a
settings menu
how do i there we go settings
camera sensitivity that’s what i’m
looking for
i wanted to bring that down a little bit
how do we do that
i’m pressing buttons nothing seems to be
oh wow that is messed up
okay you have to press the l2 and r2 to
make changes on those menus that is
craziness wow that got way slower
guess we’ll just have to climb climbing
defletes stamina
and depleted stamina takes time to
okay let’s take the route we planned
we’re off to a statue of the seven
which of the seven are you looking for
uh am i supposed to know that
x is climbing x is jumping and climbing
oh when i jump my little
sprite friend jumps too hey i got
experience points for walking forward
oh there’s something up in the tree hey
let’s go up in the tree
it’s a bird egg it’s two bird eggs
now one then select inventory
i have a dull blade why do i have a dull
blade in my inventory
is it equipped it is equipped okay i
don’t need to worry about that
i picked up two bird eggs just now
which is an incredibly versatile
ingredient that can supply
all of your daily protein needs
excellent i don’t know what to do with
but i have it now
yay me any falling damage
doesn’t look like it there’s shiny stuff
down here
sunsetius a plump fruit beautiful like
the sunset
i’m gonna get diabetes playing this game
from all the delightfully cute
cuteness i mean not from eating the
i mean so far the main appeal of the
game seems to be it’s delightfully cute
and fun to look at
that’s pretty much oh wow
i got a mint a refreshing really cool
what what happened i looked away for a
second and now we’re in a cut scene
okay there are a few of these statues
scattered across the land to show the
seven’s protection over the world
okay you can just keep talking among the
seven gods
this guard controls the wind okay i have
to press ok every time huh is not sure
whether the god you’re looking for is
the animal god but
maybe this is for streamers and people
who make youtube videos so we can add
our own dialogue as if we’re talking to
the npc
pilot i’ll take you to the animal god’s
place first and there’s the reason why
what is that reason pieman
oh now you’re not gonna tell me prologue
act one the outlander who
caught the wind as we all know poetry
and language flow like the wind
yeah sometimes
i don’t know if i agree with that
entirely pie month
there’ll definitely be someone there who
knows about your sister at least that’s
what pymon thinks
whether the gods actually answer you is
a different story you never know unless
you try
so let’s hop to it
but what a delightful fantasy world you
live in
that is nothing at all like real life
can i kill this raccoon somehow
oh yeah death to the cute animals
i’ve been playing horizon zero dawn so
i’ve been taught to kill all the cute
hey pyman’s yelling at me because i’m
going the wrong way haha
pyman i’m leaving don’t stray too far
from pyman
there’s no voice acting for that there’s
no voice acting for yelling
wow the game punishes you for going off
the beaten path
it’s telling me to report return
to a quest point
okay so she’s he’s gone all the way back
wow does it like fail the quest
completely and you have to start over
if you go too far away wow
they do not want you going off the rails
okay that’s a statue of the seven
seriously we have to go through all this
again just because i walk too far away
that’s amazing okay then i will not
stray too far from your side poetry and
language flow like the wind
there’ll definitely be someone there who
knows about your sister
at least that’s what pymon thinks
whether the gods actually answer you is
a different story
you never know unless you try so let’s
hop to it
fine fine
i see how it is now you will punish me
severely if i don’t
do exactly what you say there’s a little
frame glitch there
i noticed
swim to the island in starfell lake
press l3 to navigate does it
oh if i just hold down l3 it just does
it for me
is that wow i’m a slow swimmer
what is the r1 is the run
hey there’s stuff on the map now what
does it mean
i don’t know am i supposed to do
something with this map
i guess it’s just telling me that when i
go to this thing it fills in the map
did you just feel the elements of the
world gross
i did just feel the elements of the
world it was gross seems all you had to
do is just touch the statue and you got
the power of animal
ew as much as they may want it
people in this world can never get a
hold of powers as easily as you
oh i’m a chosen one i’m special i was
born special
nobody else can be like me because i was
born this way
it’s a bit rude to say that about the
power the gods just gave you
oh okay so i don’t have a voice
i see how it is i will be rude to you
all the time pieman get used to it
if we keep heading west from here we’ll
eventually reach monstat
the city of freedom
monstat is the city of wind because they
worship the god of animal
the god of animals okay whatever
so perhaps because you got power from
the god of animal
you can find some clues there maybe
there are also lots of bards there so
perhaps one of them has heard news of
your sister
we can rock out to the bard music let’s
move then
don’t tell me what to do pieman the
elements in this world responded to your
prayers and pylon thinks that’s a lovely
your optimism is annoying
oh it’s a level one thing oh r2 button
to unleash an elemental skill
ah you exist only for me to destroy you
oh now i have i have a voice when i’m in
combat i see
okay why is this they just keep
over and over again why is that
i don’t have any idea what i’m doing
i’ve got animal powers
you have to be dark and edgy to get cool
fighting powers
i i have no idea what i just did i just
pressed the buttons that the game told
me to press and
i did cool fighting powers
where do i go now pyman
have you abandoned me because i was so
rude to you
my mission is life is is to make pieman
leave me
where did she go i don’t see her
anywhere she’s vanished
there was another little hitch in the
i can’t really tell the frame rate it’s
going it feels like it’s going 30 frames
it’s kind of hard to tell
i mean it’s a cartoon so it you know
it’s not like you would really notice if
it wasn’t going 60 frames
uh what am i doing simon heyman you’ve
abandoned me
there’s another hitch
graphical hitches whoa
are you sure we can’t proceed with
reckless abandon
hey pieman do you want a sweet flower ah
never mind i’m not giving you one
oh now there’s another shadow it’s just
the shadow of the clouds
yeah whoa ah buttons buttons
which button do i hit for the elemental
r2 it’s not doing anything now
which oh circle circle not square or
you down elemental power
and then a tr oh i don’t get to do the
triangle now
i killed you
uh damaged mask hey i got combat
knowledge what does that mean
l1 plus the up arrow
what obtaining energy
absorb elemental orbs and
elemental particles to replenish energy
blah blah blah blah that’s like a
tutorial thing
damaged something i didn’t even read
what that said an apple
am i supposed to eat these things
oh i see now in the bottom right hand
corner the
triangle thing is filling up so my super
triangle button ability
isn’t charged up yet
food seems to be uh plentiful in this
game i’m guessing we have to
eat that at some point how do i know
when i need to eat food
i’m down on whoops that’s not what i
meant to do
that’s not what i meant to do l1
re what the hell
redeem primo gems this must be the gacha
i just i hit the right arrow on the
d-pad thinking i was gonna scroll
through my inventory and then this
primo gems just popped up
and did it again i don’t know how do i
oh here’s some food how do i eat this
stuff use
there we go oh so it restores
okay it’s really it really wants me to
redeem some primo gems
so i have to use the left analog stick
to scroll through my inventory
instead of the d-pad arrows that makes
perfect sense
i’m gonna eat some well i’m gonna eat an
i want to use one apple
hit points increased is this how we get
our health back is that what all the
food is for
because it did not look like my health
was regenerating on its own
hey cute animals i’m taking your fruit
so i have heard that this game is a lot
like breath of the wild
which is a nintendo switch game
legend of zelda breath of the wild which
i have
i have seen screenshots of but i’ve
never played because i don’t have a
in fact i’ve actually never played any
legend of zelda games now that i think
about it
huh look at that you’re back
ooh don’t be afraid
so right now i’m back is he
talking to a dragon
who’s there
that was dramatic
that was close almost got blown away
luckily my mom managed to grab hold of
your hair thanks
you hurt my hair you tore my hair out it
was very painful bye man
just what was that i didn’t thought we
were gonna get eaten
i thought i was just pressing x to
confirm but i just said some dialogue
but i don’t know what i just said
it definitely has something to do with
that weirdo who’s talking to the dragon
is talking to dragons normal
of course not oh
what’s that don’t yell at me peyman
there’s some kind of shiny red thingy on
the big rock over there
i bet it’s a dragon tier because that’s
a thing in a lot of eastern games
let’s go take a closer look
i really wish doesn’t have a good
feeling about this
so you’re running right toward it when
you don’t have a good feeling about it
that’s that’s very smart diamond
uh what was i about i was gonna say
something else but i forgot what it was
it’s a crimson crystal pieman
couldn’t you tell that from over there
pylon’s never seen a stone like this
before so pymon can’t tell what it is
i thought you were all powerful pieman
all pymon knows is that it’s dangerous
best we put it away for now doesn’t look
okay we’ve got it now let’s get out of
hey piment i’m adventure rank 3 now
what rank are you pieman i’m rank
what’s the time on my video
ps4 videos have a limit of 60 minutes so
i gotta make sure i keep looking over at
you stop time there
it’s comedy music i don’t think we
should be afraid
it’s just a bunny girl may the animal
god protect you stranger
the animal god already does protect me i
am amber
outrighter for the knights of fevonius
okay you don’t look like citizens of
explain yourselves i’m not explaining
myself to anyone
we’re not looking for trouble don’t tell
that’s what all the troublemakers say
okay i guess i have to tell you my name
i’m griff
doesn’t sound like a local name to me
okay don’t be racist amber
and this mascot what’s the deal with it
uh it’s emergency food for when i run
hey that’s even worse than being a
that was pretty funny so to sum it up
your traveling partners right
i don’t know i think i’m stuck with her
well look there’s been a large dragon
sighted around monstat recently
best you get inside the city as soon as
i already know about the dragon amber
just come from there i’m not scared of
it it ran away from me in fact
i scared it away it’s not far from here
i’ll escort you there
i can see it over your shoulder i don’t
need an escort oh
aren’t you out here for some other
uh are you talking to me or are you
talking to the bunny girl
i am but not to worry i can keep you
both safe while doing that too
okay besides i’m still not sure if i can
trust you two just yet
why are you so suspicious amber oh
uh i’m sorry probably not something i
should say as a knight
maybe maybe you should learn to respect
when you meet them you should respect
strangers not
not ostracize them immediately i
give you my apologies uh strange yet
respectable travelers okay fine
that sounded so fake yeah i agree with
pyman for once
do you have something against the type
of language usage prescribed by the
knights of hebonius handbook
well it does sound fake
leave it to me
there’s another glitch there i have
amber man that sounds creepy
use amber to defeat the airborne slimes
how do i do that
what what am uh
with the right d-pad
i’ve turned into amber
l2 button hold to enter aiming mode
oh wow that’s way too fast for me
r2 to fire
okay i’ve turned back into graph
okay that’s weird so i’m not just
playing one character i’m playing
suspicious travelers what are you doing
in monster
he got separated from his sister during
a really really long journey
hi mom is his travel buddy helping him
to find his sister
oh looking for your family huh
uh okay let me finish my other stuff
first and then i can help you put up
posters around the city
what exactly is it you need to finish
doing first
it’s simple you’ll understand in a bit
are you two imaginary i think both of
you are
imaginary i’ve just realized
i’m going crazy and both of you are
because i don’t see you anywhere and i
but i can hear you talking in my head i
understand now this is a game about
i understand now hey i got a sword
wow the sword just vanished
okay i’m going crazy oh the silver sword
went over there for some reason
a sword for exercising demons everyone
knows it’s made of
i didn’t see what that said okay l1
push to the right this opens our
and we have to use l1
oh we got all kinds of weapons here i
didn’t even know these were here
oh that’s amber’s hey i need to equip
this because it looks it’s got two stars
on it so i feel like it must be better
how do i equip this thing
fine enhancement or i don’t know how to
do that
fast equip god this using the left stick
to go through the menus
is just the worst i
do not like games that use the analog
sticks to navigate menus instead of the
good thing i’m not going to be playing
this game very long
uh i feel like i want to fast equip this
what what do i do with this
what am i supposed to do with this menu
is it equipped i don’t know if it’s
equipped or not i think it’s equipped
i don’t know how i did it but whoa what
oh i pressed the right d-pad arrow and
it sorted weirdly
okay hey
i have a floating silver sword floating
at least a foot behind my back that’s
okay that looks
very weird so maybe the sword is
imaginary too
the bunny girl and the pieman
are both imaginary
figments of my imagination
because they don’t exist in the world
you know i am finding myself weirdly
enjoying myself
it’s not so much because of the game
though it’s because of me
uh playing the game as if i’m
experiencing some sort of psychosis
and also talking to everybody in between
parts where the real dialogue is
that part is enjoyable to me running
around the game world
okay i’m am i not here oh
here’s this is where we’re supposed to
go uh a hilly turtle
quick get it uh
imaginary voices stop talking to me
wait oh i should use
i should use imaginary oh nice good job
imaginary bunny girl
these doctors have been getting too
close to the city recently
my task this time is to clear out their
oh man it’s you know these easter games
every time they fire a bow huh
very funny uh l
one bear what is this attacking weak
okay whatever whatever whatever oh i
obtained something
can i just run in here and button mash
these people to death
i think that’s what i should do ah
button mash button
ah that one’s dead i don’t need any
imaginary bunny girls
oh actually i do for this one ah
what the what the hell just happened
i just threw something on the ground
what the hell
is that well whatever they’re on the
ground now
nothing to it you’re imaginary
but you’re talking to me again though
i’ve got to say you surprised me a
little with your moves there
well in a good way or a bad way
thanks for the backup how’d it feel it
feels weird
fighting for imaginary people
but i actually i did barely break a
sweat it was pretty easy
now that you mention it how is it that
hilly trolls ended up here
oh you actually said hilly churls i that
wasn’t my imagination
okay these creatures don’t seem like the
type to set up camp so close to cities
like this
uh maybe they just want to buy
from from the maybe they just
got tired of living out in the
wilderness and they want to come to the
city to like buy
you know markets buy from the the
because you know usually cities have
more things to buy
than the country maybe you didn’t know
that pieman
you’re imaginary so you probably
wouldn’t have exactly
it’s more normal for them to be much
further out in the wilderness
well what is normality anyway
but because the dragon storm terror has
been around a lot more recently
our orchards have been destroyed and the
local market has been affected as well
how did you say all that without moving
your lips when the storms hit we usually
end up with at least a few injuries
so the knights of evonius have been tied
up doing the best they can to defend the
okay so these annoying creatures have
been getting closer and closer to the
oh no don’t let the annoying creatures
get close to the city
exactly that said clearing this camp
helped make the area a little bit safer
did anybody try talking to the annoying
come with me a responsible knight must
make sure to see you to the city safely
oh the imaginary bunny girl was vanished
oh the imaginary pokemon is vanished too
an exquisite chest an experience and
whatever whatever whatever
ah it’s been 40 minutes i’m getting
tired of this game to be honest
i’m tiring of it but let’s go to the
let’s see the city folk who are
valid and normal people
the city folk are
while the people of the wilderness they
are just
faceless enemies that we destroy on site
i see what this game’s trying to say i
see the secret hidden messages
what are you cooking
hey it’s an adventurer are you uh
you’re an npc right you’re not another
player what should i cook
i don’t know oh are you travelers from
around here as well
i don’t know maybe no we just happen to
be passing by
what are you cooking smells good
i mean it looks like you just threw some
apples in the bowl but whatever
i see welcome travelers okay
i’m lynne the survival expert of the
adventurers guild
as you can see i’m experimenting with
some new recipes
i can see that actually i have no way of
seeing that how would i know if it’s
this new recipe or not
eat before you go the first rule in the
wilderness survival guide
i’ve never seen a wilderness survival
guide picnic
oh pieman just loves picnics uh she
didn’t say that peyman
my travel partner here is good at
cooking as well
i can only cook a few simple dishes
that’s okay
let’s see what you can do okay
you won’t get a lot of chances like this
to learn from a survival expert
okay you don’t have to brag about it
there are some mushrooms and meat in the
barrel over there try making a chicken
mushroom skewer for me
that sounds disgusting
can i blast you instead with
i’m the survival expert of the
adventurers guild nice to meet you
okay fine i can’t kill you instead
mushrooms and fowl
now what do i do i click on the thing
what am i supposed to cook
chicken mushroom skewer it says
perfect yay i made a perfect stew
i did it lynn the adventurer
wait i’m cooking again
okay do i just keep doing this until i
run out
i guess i’ll just keep doing this
it’s a cooking mini game wait now what
am i doing
switched me to cave at
fried eggs
i guess i’ll cook this too while i’m
i have increased proficiency in cooking
oh i can make some steak too i’m making
oh i accidentally clicked twice and i
screwed it up
doe who knew
it was such a hard difficulty gaming
to cook a steak
okay now i’ve cooked the stuff now what
can i finish the quest
never go adventuring on an empty stomach
okay how do i
how do i r3 uh
is it done smells good
let me try it’s chicken and mushrooms
it’s disgusting
oh my god
quit with all these weird mmm
quit with all these weird sounds
now that’s really tasty you’re indeed
i know
i make up imaginary people in my head
with your culinary skills
you should try more difficult dishes uh
okay can i make money from that oh i’ve
got some raw ingredients in my bag
have them in return for this meal i will
have them
why do you have to make it sound weird
can we really have him
won’t you run out of ingredients
uh she’s a survival expert she can just
get more probably
that’s okay you should be able to find
lots of ingredients when exploring the
don’t forget to look carefully okay
there’s also a restaurant in monstat
known as good hunter that sells food
and ingredients go have a look when
you’ve got the time
okay okay thank you for the info
hey leave some chicken mushroom skewers
for pie mon
you’re imaginary you don’t need to eat
see you’re not even here anymore
but uh i was gonna try to get to the
city but now i’m at 46 minutes
keep heading towards monstat
okay let’s see what the city is like
i have to hold it down i have to hold
down r1 to run
uh oh there’s a stamina meter
nice oh another glitch there
little hitch in the frame rate
adventure rank four
it’s the big city
the city where the normal people live
let me officially introduce the city of
wind dandelions and freedom
oh i mean what if i say no
what if i don’t want you to introduce
the city travelers under the protection
of the knights of evonius
welcome to monstat thank you
finally no more having to camp outdoors
outdoors is gross cities where normal
people are
but the city folks don’t look too cheery
well that’s because they’re all
depressed because they live in a city
everyone’s been put out of place by
storm terror recently
i guess it could be the dragon too maybe
the dragon is a metaphor for all the
the depressing pollution and and
constant noise and chatter of living in
the city
but everything will turn out fine as
long as jean’s with us
who who’s gene gene that’s what i said
acting grand master of the knights of
gene defender of monstat
oh why didn’t you just say that with
dean on our side
surely even the vicious storm terror
will be no match for us
i hope she knows something about the god
of animals
before i take you guys to the knights of
evonius headquarters
i have a present for you traveler
okay why don’t you tell why don’t you
use my name huh why can’t you say my
it’s a reward for helping me clear out
that hillary camp
okay hey why doesn’t
well you’re imaginary so you don’t
really need anything
uh because this reward is useless to you
yeah piemon but
i’ll treat you to a traditional monster
sticky honey roast what
okay gross sticky honey
oh that sounds gross come with me we’ll
head to the cities
uh high ground okay
i’m getting a weird vibe here
this game is so weird okay there’s tons
of people around i’m assuming i can talk
to all these people
beatrice and quinn
uh where are we supposed to go high
ground i don’t i don’t know what i’m
supposed to do
i think i’m gonna stop here because i’m
running out of energy for this game
there’s tons of stuff to do in the city
i mean it’s kind of an amusing game i am
amusing myself
mostly by doing my own thing rather than
playing the game the way it wants me to
but uh anyway i’m hungry now so i need
to stop
and eat some lunch
this has been my first look at
gentian impact playing on the ps4
and it’s okay i mean i don’t know if i
was really bored i can see myself
playing it but
i don’t really want to install it on the
and i don’t really want to play it on
the ps4 so
i’m kind of in a quandary about this i’d
kinda doubt that i will play much more
of it
but i don’t know it’s fun to make videos
about it
i don’t know if i would ever play it if
i wasn’t making a video of it
all right that’s it for now see you

This page is a static archival copy of what was originally a WordPress post. It was converted from HTML to Markdown format before being built by Hugo. There may be formatting problems that I haven't addressed yet. There may be problems with missing or mangled images that I haven't fixed yet. There may have been comments on the original post, which I have archived, but I haven't quite worked out how to show them on the new site.

Note: Comments are disabled on older posts.