Blapril and Mental Headspace

588 words.

First, just a quick note to say I feel like I’m “recovered” from whatever it was I had. I still have a minor cough now and then, but that’s something I’ve had for years anyway.

Secondly, I’ve been so distracted lately that I’m only just now realizing that Blapril is not just coming soon, but already here and started. So go do that if you haven’t signed up yet. It’s a great event.

I’ve had Blapril in the back of my mind since I heard about it. I’ve been waiting for some sort of inspiration to take me, but I’m just not in the right headspace for blogging right now, and it feels like too much of a burden to force myself. I’ve barely even launched any games in the last month, so I have nothing at all game-related to talk about. The weekly firehose of free Epic games that I started downloading in January has already stacked up into a nebulous blob of backlog that I’ll never get to. I’m not even in the right headspace for gaming, even when it’s free. I try to launch games but minutes later get distracted and wander away.

And while I’m physically recovered from the possibly-coronavirus-but-not-really-sure, I’m not entirely sure I’m mentally recovered. At the very least I’m feeling mentally different. I feel a great sense of … I’m not sure exactly. Duty? I feel like I have a responsibility to do something meaningful with my maybe-possibly-recovered status.

Before I got sick I was working up the courage to donate blood, which is something I’ve never done before. I’m not particularly squeamish, but let’s just say calling up and going to strange places all by myself and doing strange things with strangers is a big mental hurdle to get over.

Now I’m feeling even more of a duty to get that done, because I might have antibodies that could potentially save lives. But I have to wait until I’m completely finished “shedding” virus, if I had it. (We’ve all learned a lot of new terminology in the last month.) And I feel like I should wait until I can get one of those still-non-existent antibody tests so I know for sure. But how long do I wait? Will somebody die if I wait too long? Do regular blood donations even go to COVID-19 patients? If so, how? If not, who do I give my blood to? Will those antibody tests ever actually exist in this country? How much will they cost? How big is the waiting list right now because I’m surely not the only one thinking these things? I have about a million questions and I don’t really know where to turn for answers. I certainly don’t want to bother anyone in the overburdened healthcare system right now with my dumb questions.

That’s the kind of thing that’s consuming most of my mental resources right now. Writing could be a good therapy to process all these things, but a) it’s boring to read hehe and b) that need is being met by the daily video journals I’ve been doing (I started those for entirely different reasons, but it’s morphed a bit lately). It’s just easier right now for me to record and edit video than to write. Writing is still somewhat physically demanding for me because of a) my back and b) my eyes.

But even if I’m not participating this time around, I’ll try to cheer everyone else on and read posts from the sidelines. Good luck everyone!

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