The Conjuring (2013, James Wan). The grand tradition of the haunted house, and this time it’s apparently an entire cinematic universe. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦🏠👻🕵️🕵️‍♀️😐 The grand tradition of the haunted house, and this time it’s apparently an entire cinematic universe. Seems to be a more spiritualistic version of The X-Files. Nobody ever listens to the dog. The only thing that really distinguishes these movies from one another is the characters, and this family and these investigators are pretty flat Midwesterners. I mean you’d think a married couple of traveling paranormal investigating lecturers would be riveting, but they have all the personality of patent attorneys. Otherwise it goes down the list of required haunted house scenes and checks all the boxes. Easy for the mind to wander. (Max.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Conjuring

The Faculty (1998, Robert Rodriguez). I didn’t realize this was going to be a comedy. 🎓🔪👽⏩⏩😑 I didn’t realize this was going to be a comedy. Which makes it somewhat less funny than if it wasn’t a comedy. Otherwise, it’s … a mainstream 90s movie, with a lot of recognizable 90s actors, and a pre-hobbit Elijah Wood. Basically, it’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers with high school kids instead of adults. Couldn’t relate. Not very scary or interesting. Or funny. Fast forwarded through most of it. Amazing to me that a) I don’t remember this movie existing and b) this was the 3rd-highest grossing horror movie of 1998. But then I don’t see many alternatives. (Paramount+.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Faculty

Hereditary (2018, Ari Aster). Another “elevated” horror movie referenced in Scream (2022). 🪦👻🚗👧💈🪦🥛👻🧙‍♀️🤔 Another “elevated” horror movie referenced in Scream (2022). Never seen a movie begin with an obituary title card before. Cool camera trickery at the start. Another movie where “elevated” means quiet and slow with an ambient score. It’s not really about anything, except family grief, until a solid 1 hour and 15 minutes into the movie, which is a long time to wait for a story hook. But it’s pretty creepy if you can stand to wait that long. Then it takes a pretty hard left turn and it feels like two different movies smooshed together. Ended on a somewhat confusing note, but worth seeing. (Max.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hereditary_(film)

It Follows (2014, David Robert Mitchell). It was on my watch list for 2014 horror movies, and it was mentioned in Scream (2022) as an “elevated” horror film, so I had to watch it. 👩💋👀🚶‍♀️👀🚶👀🚶‍♂️🙂 It was on my watch list for 2014 horror movies, and it was mentioned in Scream (2022) as an “elevated” horror film, so I had to watch it. Talk about yer STDs, amirite? Elevated, btw, means brooding with long, slow camera pans, pushes, and pulls. Creepy, but there’s a bit of dream logic. The story rules don’t quite make sense and there’s no resolution which I guess makes it extra artful? Anyway it’s not bad. It has a very 70s unglamorous look with a very 80s Stranger Things soundtrack. (Netflix.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Follows

Scream (2022, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett). Deja vu. 👩🔪💀👨🔪👩🔪😂🙂 Deja vu. Ghostface is back for a new generation. Tolerably fresh, but it seems like just a few too many layers of self-referencing to be taken as seriously as the first one. I’m not sure a Gen Z teen slasher even makes sense, given that Gen Z never physically interacts with each other, do they? Shouldn’t a modernized teen slasher be built around SWATing or doxxing or something? (Paramount+.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scream_(2022_film)

Scream (1996, Wes Craven). It’s possible I first saw some or all of this in the 2000s. 🏆 👩🔪💀👨🔪👩🔪😂😀 It’s possible I first saw some or all of this in the 2000s. I don’t remember. I have the controversial opinion that even self-aware teen slashers are still teen slashers, but I have to grudgingly admit there’s some story and mystery and likable characters in this one (and, importantly for a movie, decent acting). I noted that, much like the demon voice in The Exorcist, the voice of the killer on the phone sounds more comical than scary. And thus a generation of horror movie parodies were born. (Max.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scream_(1996_film)

Older Gods (2023, David A. Roberts). A dude tries to unravel the mystery of his friend’s elder god cult. 👨✨🗿🔎🕵️⏩⏩😑 A dude tries to unravel the mystery of his friend’s elder god cult. Infodump to start. A lot of telling, not showing, actually. Just didn’t grab me. Fast forwarded through most of it. (Hard to represent the concept of cosmic elder gods in emoji form.) (Tubi.)

No One Will Save You (2023, Brian Duffield). What if there were a new crop of movie directors who were heavily inspired by M. Night Shymalan movies? 👩👽🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️⏩⏩😑 What if there were a new crop of movie directors who were heavily inspired by M. Night Shymalan movies? What if they made A Quiet Place with even less dialog? What if they made a movie that completely revolves around one character’s mysterious backstory that turns out to be exactly what you thought it was all along? Too many “wtf why” character moments for me. Fast forwarded through the second half. (Hulu.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_One_Will_Save_You

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, Wes Craven). Not once since I first heard about this movie in the 80s has it ever occurred to me that I’d ever want to watch this movie. 🏆 💤👹🔪🥱 Not once since I first heard about this movie in the 80s has it ever occurred to me that I’d ever want to watch this movie. Now I know why. There’s a reason Freddy Krueger is the only thing anyone remembers from this franchise. Formulaic, boring, studio cash cow. Characters deliberately acting thick for the plot. A weirdly Home Alone vibe at the end. Johnny Depp’s first movie. (Max.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Nightmare_on_Elm_Street

Ghost Story (1981, John Irvin). Based on the very first horror book I ever read (although I didn’t read it until the early 90s). 👻🍜💤👩🙂 Based on the very first horror book I ever read (although I didn’t read it until the early 90s). The score’s a bit over-the-top, like a Hammer horror, which gives it a Sunday afternoon made-for-tv movie feel. Solid story, but a bit slow in film form. (Amazon Prime.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_Story_(1981_film)