What Would Cenk And Bob Do? (Part 2)

12 April, 2006. 446 words.

Mrs. Krehbiel noted that I didn’t provide a comprehensive solution to the Iran crisis:

Mrs. Krehbiel does wonder if perhaps Mr. Krehbiel could offer a suggestion to Misters Cenk and Bob regarding a solution to the calming down Iran’s Holocaust Wish without her tender nephew being used as missile fodder in this ongoing “discussion”.

I consider myself completely qualified to solve the Iran nuclear standoff because of my experience playing real-time strategy games. So here goes.

The only way to “calm down” Iran is a regime change, either from within or without. In the meantime, the U.S. is already imposing sanctions on Iran, but we need to persuade Europe and Asia to do the same if Iran doesn’t allow transparent access to their nuclear program. I’d give the sanctions about a year to work.

If we can’t break Iran after a year of that, or we can’t persuade Europe and Asia to impose damaging sanctions, we’re only left with military force. I think we should start with a blockade of the Persian Gulf before we do any bombing inside Iran. Don’t allow any Iranian ships in or out. This will put pressure on both Iran and anyone who trades with them. If we’re lucky, Iran may retaliate with their invisible torpedoes and give us cause to destroy their navy. We could also step up any covert ops inside Iran to encourage insurgencies and whatnot.

If Iran remains defiant after 6 months or so of this, then I’d start bombing nuclear production sites with conventional weapons. It probably won’t destroy those bunkers 50 feet underground, but it will certainly slow them down and let them know we’re not afraid to take action. Again, if we’re lucky, Iran may openly retaliate somehow and give us cause to wipe out even more of their military assets.

At that point, even after the nuclear sites are bombed, I would think we’d still want assurances that Iran will maintain a transparent nuclear policy (they’ll just start rebuilding right away, after all, probably with more vigor than ever). So until they guarantee that, I’d just keep bombing key infrastructure — starting with communications and electricity — things their modernizing population would not enjoy living without.

Any of these scenarios would almost certainly involve a huge spike in gas prices, so we consumers would have to prepare for that. Terrorism will undoubtedly increase, too, but I don’t consider that much of a threat. I bet the average person has a much bigger chance of dying in a car accident than from terrorism. *

In 2004, 1,907 died worldwide in terrorist acts. In 1998, 49,304 died in traffic fatalities — just in North America.

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