Belated Oscar Bashing

6 March, 2006. 385 words.

It’s Oscars time again, and we all know what that means: Time for conservative pundits everywhere to phone in and bash Hollywood! (Just pretend I finished this before the Oscars.)

Mark Steyn, via. GOP Bloggers: Clooney Tunes. Charles Krauthammer, via. GOP Bloggers: Oscars for Osama. Greg Gutfield: Gutfeld’s Oscar Predictions 2006.

This year, the odds-on favorite knockout punch topic to bring up is Danish director Theo van Gogh. As in: You communist liberal Hollywood softies should all be ashamed of yourselves for patting yourselves on the back about making socially relevant movies while Theo van Gogh, True Hero Of The Free World (That Nobody Ever Heard Of Until Those Cartoons Came Out), lies rotting in his grave, killed… no, not just killed… brutally and heinously murdered… shot… throat cut… bloody note left on bloody dagger left in bloody chest… in retaliation for his daring, freedom-loving, Democracy-spreading Danish television documentary on Islam’s oppressive treatment of women.

(Psst… Why does someone have to die for art to be relevant? Anyway, Hollywood execs want blockbusters, not documentaries.)

Another favorite argument in favor of the corrupt Hollywood liberal agenda is the selection of Brokeback Mountain, a film with comparatively dismal earnings, as an Oscar nominee. Obviously, say the pundits, based on sales, this movie cannot possibly represent mainstream America the way that, say, The Chronicles of Narn-Jesus-ia does, so the awards are obviously fixed by Big Liberal Secular Hollywood Execs to advance their homosexual-loving/terrorist-sympathizing/America-hating/Jesus-blaspheming agenda.

(Psst… the Oscars judge artistic merit, not consumer popularity… popular movies hardly ever get nominated.)

Then there’s the whole Syriana/Munich/Paradise Now angle. I mean, movies exploring the philosophy and motives and thinking of the enemy? With the nerve to actually blame America?? Wait, one of them is fictional. No, two of them are fictional. Wait, the third is an artistic interpretation of real events. Oh, that doesn’t matter. These movies are blatant anti-American propaganda, probably sponsored by terrorists to recruit more terrorists to kill more Americans. So George Satan-Loving Clooney and the Big Liberal Secular Sodomizing Hollywood Execs hate and kill Americans, and drink the blood of their victims!

(Psst… Hollywood isn’t a branch of the U.S. Department of Defense. Its first job is to entertain us and then maybe give us something to think about, if it doesn’t interfere with sales too much.)

Related